I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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