There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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