My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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