i just google imaged poop.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
