What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
