When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
