Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
smell my finger.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
