definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
