Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
