Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
