Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
