she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
