There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need a beard to bite.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
