I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
