happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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