I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
