Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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