i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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