I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
