i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
