I skipped work to stalk him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
