Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
