I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
