College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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