So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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