theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
