yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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