I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
