I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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