omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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