Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
