Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
