You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
