this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
