We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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