Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think people are normalizing furries
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
