there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
