I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
