My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
