How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
