I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize