Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
