I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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