I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
