i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
