Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
