tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
