I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
