I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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