remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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