Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
