I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
