I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize