I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
