I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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