every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
pop tarts are not kleenex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
