I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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