Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
