Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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