i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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