Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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