i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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