The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
