I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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