a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
