tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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