wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
