Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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