sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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