the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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