So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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