I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
