After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
