Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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