Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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