She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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