I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
