Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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