I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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