you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
