Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
