Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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