singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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