three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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