Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
