Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
