Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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