WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
