Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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