operation have a gay friend backfired
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
