Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
