Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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