Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
