you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize