So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
