Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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