it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize