we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
