Sry I called you an 8
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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