Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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