May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
