just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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