Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
