I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
