My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
